As I am driving up the long curvy road on Central City Parkway, looking at the mountains that roll on for what seems like forever, one thought pops into my head like a pop rock to a freshly opened soda bottle, what do each of us want in life? That question might seem more philosophical than it is indeed, but I was thinking on the simpler line of the grid. For instance, after a long day in a very hot office I could not wait to get home to hug Joe, change into something flannel and grill my dinner. That might sound a little hippie’ish, but it reminded me that I have never fit into any type of category.
I have spent my whole life being separated and distant from everyone. Sometimes that might have been by choice, but on the other, I am a square that does not fit into the circle. I have always been okay with that (well not always) and there are still moments where being different plays a tragic role in my life. I remember my dad indicating to me that I speak my own language and no one understands it. I do agree with that. We all struggle in our own way with self-esteem and the desire to be a part of a social outlet. We may not want to admit it, but everyone at some point wants the feeling of belonging, acceptance and most importantly to be understood. I think for a few minutes in time it would make life easier to be able to think and be like others, for being the outcast can be exhausting.
I don’t know if I would say that being “accepted” is something that I want in life or just something for a moment in time. I don’t fall into the hippie, or the well dressed/groomed category, but instead the girl who gets dirty on purpose, loves trees, nature, her pets and wearing hiking boots instead of high heels... I am also awkward with social gatherings, and prefer one on one situations. I look around and realize that I want nights like these to last forever in order to feel the earth under my feet, to experience each rock and to have the wind blow in my face like a gentle kiss.
On the bigger side of life, I want world peace, oh wait this is not the movie Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock! Even though world peace would be nice, I am a realist. I think what I really want in life is to be able to live a life that is suitable for me (without unnecessary distractions), to provide comfort to people when needed, to love countless amounts of animals, and to leave this earth with the acknowledgement that I played my part in the role that was meant for me. I think in the short version of my thought process is that I want the ability to say, I did it and even though those three little words carry an extreme amount of weight and can be used for anything and everything your heart desires.
Soon after my dad died, I headed to a friend’s wedding in Missouri and as I drove the long road I found this song comforting for it seemed to understand me. Wanted to share.